I decided to add this category because in both my personal and professional life, I've come across relatively few really helpful books. I'll offer the best ones, along with a brief synopsis of content, to my web site visitors. Each one of these enhanced my view and understanding of relationships.
- Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix: This book was written many years ago but is the "bible" of couples dynamics. It offers a theory that the person(s) we choose as partners are an "Imago" match for us. "Imago" means image in Latin. Our primary caregivers early in life have both positive & negative traits which get "stamped" into the primitive part of our brains. We all get wounded growing up, and these wounds cause us to seek out someone with similar or complimentary wounds as adults. Human nature is such that we unconsciously try to recreate our childhood scenarios with a partner in order to overcome or master that which wounded us. Hendrix believes that if we become aware of our wounds and how they play out with our partners, we can actually begin to heal in the present.
- I Don't Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real: Real's take on what happens to most men in America is illuminating! He describes how little boys are forced to leave their "emotional selves" behind by grade school while women are learning how to be in relationships with empathy and skill. He believes this separation of mind & emotion create a covert sort of depression in men. Most importantly though is the effect on men's wives and children. Real offers a way out of this dilemma which softens men's hearts & allows them to truly become intimate after a lifetime of disconnectedness.
- Sex and the Seasoned Women by Gail Sheehy: I haven't even finished this one before recommending it to women in mid-life! It really isn't about sex as much as it's about how, once we've begun to launch our children, we have a whole new opportunity to create a "second adult life", filled with forgotten passions and dreams.
- A Woman With Round Heels by Jane Juska: For all the mid-lifers who are widowed, divorced or single, this book is a stitch! It's the true life adventures of a 66-year old woman who hadn't been intimate with a man in over 20 years and awoke one day suddenly wanting to change this reality. She posted an ad in the NY Times which simply read "Woman about to turn 67 wants a lot of sex with a man she likes". The book chronicles her trysts and coming alive sexually and emotionally.
- Loving What Is by Byron Katie: Quite possibly the most immediately helpful reads I've ever come across!! Katie challenges some of our most unhelpful, life-deadening beliefs and urges readers to "love reality" instead. I agree with her that our beliefs CAUSE our suffering and maintain distance in relationships we value. I was able to drop a few age-old beliefs of mine in days, freeing me up to really appreciate what is "real" as opposed to what I felt "should be real".
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